he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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