There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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