Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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