So drunk its hurt
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
