Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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