I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
