There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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