i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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