I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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