Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
