My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
