Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
