i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
