More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
