I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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