we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
