I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
