i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
