Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
