she was so not down for the gang bang
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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