I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
