We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
