she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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