btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
