its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
