Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
