the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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