the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
