1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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