My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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