i need an iv and a liver transplant
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Semen is not good for contacts.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
