Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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