somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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