I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
