im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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