i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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