This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
