i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
