PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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