next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
