i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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