also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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