i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
