Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
