If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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