wanna go halves on a baby?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
