I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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