The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
