He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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