she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
