note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
