I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
