We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
