seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
