i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
