She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
