He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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