did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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