dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
