'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
