Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
