He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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