I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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