I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
