i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
