can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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