We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
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I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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