You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
